Through their entire marriage of 30 plus years, her husband had handled everything to do with their finances. She had been a homemaker; a stay at home mother that had never worked after they married. Her husband had always provided for the family and she never questioned anything about money.
Apparently he was an honest, hard working man; he had put their two children through college, put a cozy roof over their heads and was very devoted to his family.
Throughout his lifetime he had managed to legally juggle finances, including refinancing their home a couple of times. As hard as it is to believe, she never questioned anything, she claims to have had no clue that they were in so much debt.
I find this story hard to believe. Wouldn’t her name have been on the mortgage? Didn’t she have any credit in her name? How can you live with someone for over 30 years and not know what’s going on? Talk about a breakdown in communication!
When I mentioned this article to a friend, she said that things like that happen all the time; and even told me that she once knew someone that kept a secret bank account and would put a portion of her grocery money away each week so that she would never be penniless. Eventually she used her stash of cash to pay for her divorce!
So my inquiring mind wants to know…do you believe that someone could live their entire married life being totally clueless to the family finances? If you’re married, do you have an overwhelming urge to check your bank statement? Or am I just naive?
25 comments:
Sunny
I do know of a couple who were married for over fifty years. When he died, to the shock of his wife, the man in question left the family home to his daughter. She was also shocked and subsequently signed over the house to her mother. Did they really never discuss the contents of their wills?
I do think there are women and even men who allow their partner to take care of all the finances and don't have a clue about any of it. As to mortgages and such, if the husband said you need to sign this, she would just do as he said. A woman her age who has never worked could have grown up with an idea of a "woman's place" and never questioned what her husband did. Take your mind back to the 50s and 60s and remember what role women were expected to follow. I grew up during that same time, but there is no way that I would have been able to live in those conditions!
I believe it could happen, but I also believe it's foolish to live like that. You never know what life is going to hand you and you need to be prepared. That husband of hers sure didn't do her any favors, in fact it appears he didn't care what happened to her after his death.
Yes unfortunately this can happen, Sunny.. But--it's really stupid. One of those spouses are incredibly STUPID.
That husband 'may' have been a nice and hard-working man--but what was he thinking???? He knew that he'd leave her in bankruptcy... Was that what he wanted?????
OR---how could she have been so stupid to allow that to happen --and not know anything about their money. I could NEVER live like that.
George and I are in a 2nd marriage --and we have OUR money. We put everything together and continually discuss our budget, etc. That's just the way it should be.
Good Gosh.. Unbelievable... I can't help but feel sorry for that woman--but in some ways, I just want to scratch my head and wonder what SHE was thinking....?????
Hugs,
Betsy
Yes I believe it. Sad, but I know women do that sometimes.
Yes, I tend to agree that their are some relationships in this world that the one person is able to handle all the money that they earn together. Yes, one can not know where the money is going or what is being done with it. Maybe they just don't care. I do.
For example . . . us. We both work for the same goal. The money that we earn is put together in our account. What is left over can be split between us, since we both work for it. However, I do watch where my paycheck goes and what it goes for. Since I'm not very good at handling money, I let my Wife do it, cause she is good at it. Me? I'll screw it up in a instant! Never was good at handling money.
Les
My dad had to go to school for nearly two years and lived in since it was too far to travel there every day. My mum had to keep things running at home and I learned later that she had had quite some difficulty dealing with everything, including the financial side of it.
After my dad came to live with us again full time, he had to get used to my mum wanting to know the hows and whats.
It happened in my family. My maternal grandmother lived in a beautiful house in Bakersfield, California. Her husband, my grandfather, had a hotel and a restaurant where she spent her life working as the cook. When he died, she discovered that he had mortgaged the house, HER house, twice, to support a gambling habit she knew nothing about. When he died she was thrown out of her house of forty years, penniless except for her meager Social Security check. She lived with us for several years, and she refused ever to visit her husband's grave.
Sadly there are many couples who do not share their financial status. My mother was fortunate to have been left a fair amount of money, much to her surprise. She still (in her late 80s) asked my father for 'housekeeping money' and had no idea how much he squirreled away in 'his' account after he closed their joint account.
I am too much of a control freak to ever allow that to happen.
yes, I believe it. some women just let the man, or he will not have it any other way, control it all. he makes the money, pays the bills, controls how much she gets, etc. some women never work and build up any credit and ever buy anything in their name. stay home, be the housewife, mother, raise the kids and then when they are gone..... ???
some women never even learn how to drive!! some are just happy being taken care of. but if something happens to the husband, they are clueless and totally lost.
I think when women let their husbands completely control everything, they trust them utterly and would never think they did not know what they were doing. She probably signed when asked to and never read the contract, etc. Unfortunately someone in a marriage goes first and the spouse is left to pick up the pieces.
I suppose it depends on the individual. For me it would be impossible. I handle all of our finances, but all the decisions are made jointly. I can't imagine not keeping informed about such things.
Yes, I believe it happens in more cases than most of us would want to believe. I married relatively late -- well, it was at that time, I was in my thirties, so there was never a question of turning everything over completely to anyone. But I've discovered a number of women that just go from day to day without a clue as to what is going on financially and seem to have no interest in doing anything about it.
Have a great evening, Sunny!
Sylvia
It takes all sorts to make a world.
Having always had a private account, I kept it after marriage althoug we both had a joint acount. One should always have a little nest egg. In the early years the Prot held the finacial purse strings and I stretched every penny to always have something to fall back on. In the last 25 years I have looked afteer our finances and he has admitted that it was a great relief to have me take over. Somehow we have muddled along on one salary for most of our 51 years and, having started with nothing now have a lovely house on the ridge of the mountain overlooking our city as well as a farm where we live in separate houses with our daughter and grandchildren. Due to my management after we were burnt out in a bushfire, we can live the rest of our lives in comfort even if we cannot afford a private jet.
On the sbject of will, it is so victorian for a husband to make a will like the lord of the manor.
Our wills are both the same, whoever predeceases leaves all to the remaining partner. After both are gone, what is left is split between out two children...simple.
We also have power of attorney over each other just in case and our daughter holds power of attorney ove us both should we become incapacitated. I think all bases are thus covered.
Of course to be able to do this, one has to have trust in each other.
I don't think it's too hard to believe when you think of their age and the time of their marriage. I think it was common for women to be kept in the dark.
I don't think you'd hear about it too much in this day and age, though.
I'm sure it happens more often than one would think but it really shouldn't. Any wife, or husband, should have a hand in the family finances.
I do all the finances in our family but we sit down periodically and go over things together. Everything is in both of our names and we have both read any contract that we sign.
I saw it happen a lot when I was in banking. Women who could not write a check and had no knowledge of bills or how to pay them.
Probably would not be as possible today with so many women in the work force and Oprah.
As many have said before me, it happens even today. I think maybe that attitude has been passed down from father to son and mother to daughter. Most of us have bucked the system as we became more liberated and burnt our bras.
I've always been a stay at home mom, except for managing rental property we owned...I use to handle our banking and bills along with my husband...but since retiring, he does it all, but we discuss everything, including what would happen "IF" he were gone. I couldn't imagine a husband and husband living without that peace of mind!
but know everything about our finances...
The economy is making stranger and stranger things happen. This is a great story to share. I do not look at my bank statements they have a way of making me get lazy or feel like spending.
I connected through another blog.
I can believe that something like this could happen, but I suspect that it may say more about the state of the marriage than about the finances.
This day and age I would not think that would happen....maybe the prior generation but gosh...I think it should be a shared situation....finances!!!
Happens all the time but maybe less so than it used to.Lots of us have separate bank accounts, I wouldn't dream of looking, let alone checking.If she was that naive she was probably not on the deeds and it could work in her favour as she'd not be
responsible for the debts.
Some women have not a clue. I knew one who never knew how to balance a checkbook because her hubby always did it..so ya..some women are really dense:(
The times were different back in the 40-70's. Most women didn't work outside the home and the money was made by the husband who considered it his right to control. My mother used to have to ask my father for grocery money each week for a family of 7. It was usualy a struggle. She had no clue what the finances were. A lot of women were not on the mortgage either.
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